Feel no more
by wizardsunlimited
Summary: When Tim falls asleep at his desk in the bullpen, he has a nightmare which will reveal secrets that were never expected from the youngest agent of Team Gibbs. Pasts will be revealed and Team Gibbs will come to know exactly why their youngest agent won't divulge others into his past
1. Chapter 1

Dream sequence:

He ran. He ran like he had never run before. His side hurt. His whole body hurt. Yet, he ran. Away from his past and away from everything he had known. Away from the horrible nightmares and his old life. To a new life, to freedom and most of all, to a place where _they_ couldn't reach him.

He regretted it now. Going out that night. For that was a night his whole life and identity changed. He would never be the same. His life would never be the same.

_Flashback:_

"_Mom! I'm going out to the park!" he screamed out from the porch. _

_His mother could care less for anything he did. So could his father. But he still had hope. That maybe someday, just someday, they would come around and all of them could act like a normal family._

_But even he knew that it was hoping for too much. _

_He walked 4 blocks to the park where he went to the swing set and sat down. He looked around and sighed. His whole life, he had spent in this neighborhood. He had gone through a lot here. This park was more special to him than any other place. He came here every time his parents fought about something meaningless. It could be anything, from, who is supposed to fill the car with gas to who was supposed to drop him to school. They had everything. A modest two-story house, 2 cars, one for each of his parents'. Yet, HE lacked something. Something that he craved so much for that he was willing to give up all his possessions. Love and affection. That was all he needed and wanted from his parents. Sure, he had friends but they didn't know what he went through on a daily basis. They didn't know that his parents didn't even have time to say hi to him. _

_These were his morbid thoughts as he felt a sharp pain to his head and his vision swam. Then, he remembered nothing. _

Present day dream sequence:

He saw as he grew up in the slums. He saw as he was taken to an orphanage and the McGee's adopted him. He saw his birthdays pass and as he got into MIT with a full scholarship. He saw his first girlfriend. He saw their wedding and he saw their beautiful Carrie and the heartbreak of losing her.

*End Dream Sequence*

That was when Tim was shaken awake by a very shocked DiNozzo. As his head came up from his table, the first word out of his mouth was "Carrie!"

It was then that he registered where he was and who was standing in front of him. Watching his boss' face, he knew that he had to explain, instead he opted to apologize for falling asleep.

"Sorry Boss"

Gibbs raised his eyebrow at the apology and Tim corrected his statement, "Right. No apologies Boss. Got it. Won't happen again."

"I know it won't. What I want to know is what the heck was that about McGee!" Gibbs snapped

He decided to play stupid and asked "What was what about Boss?"

"Do I look Stupid to you McGee?" asked Gibbs.

"No Boss, definitely not" he answered with his jaws slightly clenched _'But that doesn't mean I can't hope for you to believe my excuse" were his thoughts._

Meanwhile, Gibbs was still waiting for an explanation for Tim's freaked out behavior. "Anything you want to tell us McGee? Anything about the freak out you just had? Mind telling us just who in the world _Carrie_ is?"

While Gibbs was on his tirade, Tim's mind was reeling from all the images he had just seen. However, on hearing the name Carrie, he was rudely snapped out of his stupor and into his reality. Once again, after focusing on reality, he just said two words to his Boss, "Call Sarah."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Hey guys! I do hope this update satisfies you for now as my exams have just started off. I will not be updating for another 2 weeks or so. I will gladly answer any concerns you guys have on PM. Now, to answer some of your reviews:**

**Earthdragon: Heyo! To answer your enquiry about Tim's answer to Gibbs, Tim is horrible at lying as we know from the series. This fic is Tim-centric and the idea in my mind requires Tim to have some complications with communication problems with the team sometimes**

**Also a VERY VERY big Thank You and a virtual hug to:**

**Crawcolady**

**RiceFlower**

**JonnyP86**

**torontogirl12**

**Remember! Reviews are my encouragement!  
>Chapter 2<strong>

*Tim's POV*

What had triggered those? A case? No. he doubted it. He had buried those memories and nightmares _years ago_ in a closed and locked section of his mind. He had locked them up so tight that he doubted, even if they did have the technology to read and interpret minds, not even the CIA or Abby or even the guys in cybercrimes could get past his. All he knew at this point of time was that he had to get out of the bullpen. Get away from the stares and the whispers.

He had to get away from Tony and Ziva's ever inquiring and pitying looks. He had to get away before Gibbs could come back and refuse to call Sarah till he explained. However most all, he needed a stiff drink. None of the stuff that Gibbs drank, but a real drink. Maybe some Devil Springs Vodka. Ah, yes. That would hit the spot. (A/N: that IS a real drink btw. Go look it up. It is VERY potent. Second most alcoholic beverage.) God only knew how long it had been since he had touched the stuff. It had been sitting on his shelf for years now. The first time he had it, was the first time he had had gotten rip roaring drunk and that night had changed his life. He didn't know if it was for the best or for the worst. Just thinking this, brought memories to the front of his mind.

Pushing them to the back of his mind again, he stood up and walked towards the break room, ignoring both his team mates calling his name. On reaching the said room, he opened the topmost cabinet which held Gibbs' personal coffee stash and felt around till he felt that little knob that opened up a secret panel on the side of the cupboard. He reached in till his hand came upon a small bottle and two glasses. He picked up one glass and the small bottle and set them down on the counter. _Now, where exactly was that ice-chest? _He knew there was one in the room as some of the officers liked cold coffee. Then, he spotted the little red ice-chest sitting near the smoothie machine. _Aha! There you are you little bugger. _With that thought he poured himself a generous amount of the vodka and put 2 cubes of ice into it. He tasted it and sighed. _Oh, how I've missed this little beauty. Can't exactly take out the bloody bottle in the bullpen, can I? _He slowly moved over to the small window overlooking the city and gazed at the city at night lost in memories, thoughts and nightmares.

*Tony POV*

McGee was moving like he was on autopilot or something. What was up with McElfLord? First, he falls asleep in the bullpen, then he has a freaking nightmare about someone named Carrie. _Maybe the movie? Yeah, probably. McGeek probably got too freaked out by it. Great blackmail material this is. But the question still remains, why the hell was he crying? Might not be the movie after all. If it was the movie, he wouldn't ask us to call Sarah. _

_I better go check on him. If he touches Boss' stash, he's a dead man walking. _

*3rd Person POV*

However, as Tony reached the break room, he was taken by surprise once again. There was McGee, _no, not McGee. Tim. _There was Tim, standing tall at the window in the break room. There was a solitary light on inside the room and that was at the coffee station. Then, Tony noticed something. Tim had a drink in his hand. Tim had never been one to drink. He hardly went out to pubs and clubs with Tony. And if he did, he refused any alcoholic beverage. Nevertheless, here he was standing with a drink in his hand and by the looks of it, it was neat. (A/N: as in no soda, no water. Undiluted). When he looked to where the bottle was standing on the coffee counter, his astonishment grew. _My, my McGee. You certainly are hiding a lot of things aren't you? _Here was the geekiest kid on the block, drinking one of the most potent alcohols in the United States and not even flinching. Not even Tony himself could drink that. _Probie's got guts. I'll give him that. Drinking that in the middle of the night in the office. _

Tony stood back and studied the man standing in front of him. This was not his Probie, Not the McGeek that he worked with. In his stead was a sophisticated businessman or author having a stiff drink after a long day at the office or after a prolonged writer's block. He was standing tall and gazing out into the city lights as they flickered in front of him. He looked deep in thought and most probably was. Tony slowly moved away from the door and turned to go to the bullpen but not before hearing the words "I love you. I hope you're taking care of yourself and Carrie up there. Keep our princess safe Diane."

Feeling as if he had just intruded on a private moment, Tony moved fast and silently to the bullpen, pondering over what he had just heard and seen.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Firstly to all my lovely reviewers: thank you for all the encouragement. I will try my best to update ASAP. But we have run into a slight snag which is that I'm moving. Again. So you guys may need to be patient for another month or so for the next update as I will have to settle in a new environment and school altogether. Thank you for understanding!**_

_**Sazzita: sorry about the shortness of the chapters. I've been studying for the exams and didn't have a lot time on hand.**_

_**Crawcolady: Well now, if it took the path you suspected, it wouldn't be a good story now would it? ;) Hopefully this chapter's revelations are enough to quench you thirst for now!**_

_**missmerrymak: sorry about that. I'll put the author's notes at the end. Thanks for pointing it out though. Hope you enjoy the story!**_

_**mcgeeksgirl: he should, shouldn't he? But remember, they are not the most patient people in the world.**_

_**torontogirl12: Well, you'll just have to stick around to find out, won't you?**_

*3rd Person POV*

As Tony entered the bullpen, his brows furrowed at seeing Gibbs with a pile of paperwork on his desk that _definitely _hadn't been there before he had left.

"Hey boss man, what's all the paperwork for? Vance load all the cold cases in DC on us?" he shuddered at the long hours of working on a cold cases.

"No DiNozzo! It's McGee's file. I took it from the Agent Directory in the director's office. I'm hoping to find something, anything that can tell me what the hell is Tim hiding. And if you had even a shred of sense, you would go find your junior agent and keep an eye on him until I call McGee's sister." Gibbs barked out, his hand reaching out for the phone on his desk.

"Uh Boss? I hate to tell you this but I just checked up on Probie and let's say that we should just leave him alone until Sarah comes here." He told his superior, cringing and waiting for the head slap that never came. Tony opened his eyes and looked at his superior inquiringly. Gibbs, however just raised an eyebrow at his agent as if waiting for an explanation that Tony quickly jumped to.

"Well, uh… you see Boss, McGee is not quite…himself. It's better if all of us just left him to his thoughts until Sarah gets here." He hesitated

Once again his Boss raised an eyebrow, and Tony resigned himself to telling him the truth and getting himself and (most probably) Tim murdered without a single evidence. "Well, Boss, uh… you know about that drinking rule of yours? The unspoken one which you told us about on the first day of joining this team?" he fumbled out. At Gibbs' nod, he hesitantly continued. "Well, currently, Tim is in the break room, and he has a glass of Devil Springs Vodka in his hand." He cringed and looked in his Boss' face for any signs of anger and wondered if he should start planning his colleague's funeral.

However, he needn't have had that thought at all. In fact, at the look Gibbs was giving him, he was pretty darn sure that his Boss had absolutely no idea what in the world was Devil Springs Vodka and was clearly waiting for an explanation from his Senior Field Agent.

Tony sighed and began his explanation in a way that Gibbs would understand. "Devil Springs Vodka is a drink that will basically get you drunk and staggering in one shot. Sometimes even marines can't handle it and they love to drink, no offense to you Boss. It's definitely stronger than any drink I dared to drink and it's helluva lot stronger than Bourbon that you drink. Frankly speaking, I didn't even know McGee drank. Let alone hardcore."

To say Gibbs was shocked at Tony's revelation would be an understatement. In fact, Gibbs was about ready to go and knock some sense into his agent. However he was stopped by the fact that DiNozzo had mentioned that McGee was not in the condition to be disturbed. So, with a quiet sigh to himself, he picked up the phone once again and dialed Sarah McGee's number.

_**A/N: Remember to R&R! I love reviews and suggestions as usual! And I do use your suggestions. So I'm counting on them! Virtual cookies to all my reviewers and viewers! Upcoming in the next chapter: Gibbs' conversation with Sarah and her visit to Base!**_

_**P.S. Did I mention I just turned 16 a week ago? I feel so ooollllllld! (Compared to my friends)**_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS...but a fangirl can dream... *sigh*

Sarah McGee was usually a calm person. Until it came to her brother. That was when she went on a warpath, and everyone had better watch out.

So imagine her surprise, when her phone rang during work time. As she checked he caller ID, he face paled. Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs only called her if something had happened to Tim. If something had happened to Tim, she was the primary contact of the entire team. Though she was younger than Tim, she felt protective of him ever since his MIT years. He had gone through so much. Then he insisted on joining NCIS. She didn't know why, but all that Tim had told her was it was because he had a mission in life. She had left it at that because the suddenly steeled look in his eye had sent shivers down her spine.

She was jolted out of her thoughts by the phone's incessant ringing. A shaky hand carefully pressed the answer button and held the phone up to her ear. "Agent Gibbs, what can I do for you?" She was glad she had kept her voice steady and calm, though calm was the furthest she was from right now. She felt eyes on her and turned to see Jackson, the café manager look at her with a questioning glance. She quickly mouthed 'Tim' to him and as realization dawned on his face, he gave a nod towards the back door, indicating her to go through and talk in privacy.

The words that came from the other end of the phone chilled her blood to the bone, "McGee had a nightmare Sarah. He woke up crying and sweating. Then he called out a name, Carrie. My youngest agent has taken over my break room and is drinking. I want answers and I want them now. I expect you here in 20 minutes. No more than that." She thought the nightmares had stopped. She thought he had managed to block them. What had brought them back? Right now, that didn't matter. All that mattered was to bring her brother back. In the condition that Agent Gibbs had described, Tim was running on autopilot and was a danger to himself and those around him.

"Agent Gibbs, I will be there in 10 minutes. Please do not let my brother out of your sight but be discreet. In the state that he is in, he could be a threat to himself and all of you. I will come and take over from there. Just prepare a private conference room and gather Director Vance, Your team and Ducky. We might need him there. Tell him to bring sedatives." She choked out as she felt tears running down her face. His past was back and Tim was the only one who could battle it. It was a demon who never rested. She briefly wondered whether to tell their parents, but decided against it. She would first go and assess the situation at Base. She thought about telling the team about Tim and her family, but then decided against it. They would reveal it only if the situation required their parents coming down to DC.

She ran back into the café and took Jackson aside to explain the situation. He agreed immediately and even gave her a week off to take care of Tim, saying that he'll cover for her. After a quick hug and goodbye, she jumped into her rusted car, and shot off towards Base. All through the way, her mind was on her brother and how all it had all come to this. She felt rage build up in her and her foot pressed the accelerator harder, probably breaking all the Highway Code. She pulled up in the yard and got out. She knew that one of the agents would be waiting to escort her up to the bullpen. She just hoped that Gibbs wasn't as stupid as to let Tony pick her up. She would not be responsible for her actions if he even _tried _to hit on her.

It was Tony's lucky day. Ziva was the one who had to escort her. She was thankful for the mossad agent's silence. She didn't think she could take speaking right now. She just wanted to see Tim. As the elevator door opened into the bullpen, she made a quick dash for the break room, remembering it from her last visit here. She skidded to a halt, when she saw Tim. He was…different. Before he could sense her presence, she closed the break room door, but didn't lock it. After all, they did not need a repeat of the last episode, she thought dryly. Having seen her brother, she walked calmly back the bullpen, where a still stunned Ziva, a confused looking Tony and an impassive Gibbs was standing. She looked towards the team leader and he motioned to the Conference room just behind the bullpen, probably for easier access. She nodded and motioned for them to proceed. "Before I bring Tim in, I just want to let everyone know of a few basic rules when he is in this state. Let's go. Agent Gibbs, I hope everyone is gathered in there" At the Agent's nod, she reached for the handle of the door and entered.

**Hey once again guys! Just to let everyone know, my move to NC went smoothly. I've transitioned into a new school and am currently experiencing so much drama, I might just kill myself**  
><strong>(literally. I've contemplated it). I know this might freak people out. I have a random question: Are parents supposed to make their kids feel as though they are burdens? Cause that's practically what my mum implied a day ago. And that is when I commenced writing this chapter. Funny how strong emotions result in good writing. Anyways, Thanks for the reviews. I hope this can keep you guys satisfied for two weeks, cause that is when my summer starts. Summer officially starts on next Tuesday, but knowing my mum, she'll keep m exhausted with housework for weeks. Sooo, two weeks? Remember to R&amp;R! Virtual hugsies! Love ya guys!<strong>

Next chapter: Gibbs' talk with director Vance before Sarah arrived. And maybe a hint of the "rules" ;P


	5. AN:

Hey guys! Sorry for the delays! I keep forgetting to finish the next chapter. But not to worry! The next chapter will be up ASAP! I'll make sure of it. Or at least try to! I've been busy at school and my course load isn't exactly helping me. I will do my best to upload the new chapter by this weekend though. Thank you guys so much for you patience! Do DM or review me to contact me. Also just to let you guys know, I am accepting BETA requests now.

Thank you for all the support through the last chapter. You guys helped a lot. Whether you guys believe it or not. And to the teacher who reviewed: Thank you for you advice. I guess it helped n some ways. My mum and I are on the road to mending our relationship.

Thanks again guys!

Cheers,

wizards_unlimited


	6. Chapter 5

tailkinker8: **So...what if all your followers help you move...would that help you? :D Very good story so far! **Hahaha..sure! Why not! I could always use some help in setting up the place!

_Previously:_

"_Before I bring Tim in, I just want to let everyone know of a few basic rules when he is in this state. Let's go. Agent Gibbs, I hope everyone is gathered in there" At the Agent's nod, she reached for the handle of the door and entered._

Now:

Once she entered the room, she took in a deep breath. She knew this was going to be hard on everyone. None more so than Tim. _Oh God! Tim! _He wouldn't take it so well. And neither would the team. She knew she and Tim could count on Ducky and Jimmy for support. Ziva would come around eventually, after she wrapped her head around the whole story. Gibbs, well, he was a whole different story. If what Sarah was thinking was right, then the first reaction from Gibbs would be fury. Then, he would go to get some strong coffee and contemplate for hours. After that, he would end up in his basement that night and contemplate some more until he couldn't contemplate anymore. Tomorrow, he would be as calm and collected as usual. Well, as calm as Gibbs could be. Vance would be surprised, but he would understand in the end. He always did when it came to Team Gibbs. However, the loose cannon of the group would be Tony. His reaction was what worried her the most. If Tony supported Tim, her brother would come out of this relatively unscathed. But if Tony retracted his support, then he might as well have signed a death warrant for Tim. Whether Tony believed or not, liked it or not, he was Tim's partner, his best friend, his _family_. And Sarah knew that Tim was his. They had each other's back. Even when they were pissed at each other. And that was not an uncommon occurrence.

Back to the matter at hand, she resumed her inspection and observance of the people in the room. Looking in their eyes, she knew that they would be there for Tim, just for how long, she didn't know. His past was filled with demons they wouldn't believe and he would never disclose.

"Thank you all for gathering here. I…um…don't know where to start. I wish I didn't have to this. To you guys. To Tim. But it has to be done now. For Tim. I want to guys to have his back." Upon seeing Tony's mouth open, she held up a hand and pressed on. "I know you'll always have his back. But this is something different. This is…for the lack of words, dark. Darker than any case you have ever seen. I know you all are his family, but I'm looking out for him. He's all I have. So, I just have one request from every single one of you. Well, actually two. One, try not to interrupt me. This is already hard enough. Two, don't act different towards him. Act normal. Normal keeps Tim grounded. Normal keeps him…here." Her eyes flashed at the last word but died just as fast.

"Well my dear, the beginning is usually the best place to start" commented Ducky.

Sarah gave a morbid laugh, "I would Ducky, but there is no beginning or end to this tale. It's a never ending cycle that only Tim has the power to break."

Then, she sighed. "Well, let's start with the most important fact I guess."

"Tim's adopted."

The shock and tension in the room was palpable. She could see the varying emotions. Hell, she could feel them. _Betrayal, sadness, heartbreak and the most intense one of all, love._

* * *

><p>Tah dah! Well, it has been a long time since I last gave you guys something. Sorry about that. Just moved again. To Michigan this time. Cold, cold Michigan. geez, how do you people survive? Anyways, I'm doing my best to update, but sadly, my muse has run away. Sad, no? BTW guys, I'm BETA-ing now, so contact me for any stories you might need BETA-ed. But do check my BETA profile before that, yeah?<p>

Love y'all!

wizardsunlimited


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